INTO THE LIGHT☀☀☀
I have spent time this week scratching through my past, required and inescapable when one is undergoing soul-wrenching, heart-charged change. Some changes might require a cursory glance, others are unholy plunges of a massive scale that require deep thought and, at times, graveyard digging. Some memories, light as a feather, are dropped by my doorstep, nostalgic longing for an imagined bliss.”I love you” Pushing and pulling. Gentle as fine mist; as a lingering kiss. I am organizing, pruning, preparing to pack; throwing out and choosing to keep.
I have studied photos, committed some images to memory; formed some into a softness I can bear, torn many and tossed them in pieces. Silently I say “I Love You”. Letting go. I have control from this moment forward. My thoughts will determine what I create and what I allow to cross my doorway.
Perhaps, if I were very brave, I might have packed it all in big boxes, heaved them zealously and without scrutiny, into a giant dumpster; and shouted ,”get on with it old gal”. Love and life are no longer on hold. I am eager to move forward. I say “I Love You” many times today.
The small notes to self, composition books filled with rambling words of dreams and plans. These are easier to get rid of today.
The stuff of yesterday, lovingly worn tables and chairs, a favorite shirt that evokes a painful memory—-“I can be what I will to be”. I repeat “I love you”. And today “I will commence my journey unencumbered with either the weight of unnecessary knowledge or the handicap of meaningless experience.”(GS p. 53)
As I prepare to move on, my external space is transforming. It is fresh, clean and uncluttered. My mind is free and open to unlimited possibilities. Loving myself pushes hard against yesterdays self-loathing that broke my heart and crushed my dreams, but today, “I feed (my soul) with meditation and prayer (most likely a chant) and “I will share (my heart) and it will grow and warm the earth.” GS p.62
ONE LOVE 🌴💖🌴 Lucinda